Stop the Drama!

Drama not only sucks up your time, but also saps your energy and weakens your organization. And, sadly, it's often tolerated because you're too overwhelmed to address it. Today's episode offers tips for stopping or avoiding drama once and for all so you and your team can focus all of your energy on what's truly important.

Connect with host Jill Fowler on LinkedIn and Instagram.

This episode was brought to you by Songbird Leadership -- Amplify your organization's mission through outcome-based executive coaching, strategic planning, and capacity building.

Transcript

Thank you for joining us today. I’m your host, Jill Fowler of Songbird Leadership.  

I absolutely detest drama. It’s a black hole of despair that not only sucks up your time, but also saps your energy and weakens your organization. Most people I know feel the same way, and yet drama still seems to be super prevalent in the nonprofit sector.

Drama can be the result of several things – poor communication, style differences among team members, role ambiguity, stress, lack of conflict resolution outlets… The list goes on. Throw some personality quirks in the mix and you’re suddenly in the middle of Drama Central. 

And, sadly, once it starts, it’s often tolerated due to a lack of time and energy to deal with it. The whole thing can seem really overwhelming to address, but if you don’t, it’ll only get worse, and soon, you’ll lose your star team members and be left with a big, fat, drama-filled mess that is costly and time-consuming to repair. It’s sort of like a cavity. If you don’t get it filled as soon as you feel it, it’ll fester and grow, and eventually, you’ll need a root canal.   

If you feel like I’m talking about your team, first, I’m sorry. Second, it’s not too late to take action. Just know that the drama isn’t going to go away overnight. It’s a process that requires you to have patience and focus and guts. But you CAN rid your team of the drama once and for all. 

It all starts at the top, so do an honest self-evaluation and correct any personal behaviors that may be supporting a drama-fueled environment. Then, simply by lead by example. Demonstrate integrity at all times. Talk about others as if they were in the room listening to your conversation. Show your team how to handle conflict constructively my modeling emotionally intelligent behavior. Basically, walk the walk, whatever that looks like for you and your organization.

Next, you’ll want to make sure that your drama-free foundational structure is in place. Go back to basics and make sure that all roles and responsibilities are clearly defined and in writing. Establish formal grievance and conflict resolution procedures, as well as anti-harassment and anti-bullying policies, and USE THEM! Have systems in place for communication, workflow, and other operational basics that will help make things run smoothly. You’ll come to rely on these as you proceed with your transition. 

I once had a client who didn’t believe in organizational structure. It was a literal free-for-all operationally. There were few procedures or formalities and lots of redundancies. Every voice counted equally, and decisions were made by the consensus of the entire team, which was nearly impossible. Communication was poor and few knew what was going on, both day-to-day and in the long term. This ambiguity bred drama among the team. People were running amok, and it was a mess. Things came to a head when the staff started communicating their opinions about basic operational issues directly with the board, such as complaints about the schedule or expressing dismay about not closing early the day before a holiday. It was then that the Executive Director realized he could no longer let things naturally flow. But by this time, the culture had taken on a life of its own and it was a long and challenging process to correct. There were some tears and a team member resignation, but by implementing some structural features into his organization and having lots of patience and a transparent process, he was able to turn things around and once again focus on his important work.

Now is the time in your drama-free development progress to focus on your team members as individuals. Get to know them as people and celebrate their unique gifts and styles. Empower them by giving them a voice in the process and ask for their honest feedback about their work experience and your culture and environment. Provide professional development opportunities. Encourage (and expect) accountability. Use this time to build trust and gain buy-in, because, ultimately, eliminating the drama is about culture change, and it’ll go more smoothly if your team members are on board. 

When making a culture change, or any time, really, it’s important to turn up the empathy and put yourself in your team members’ shoes. They’ve been used to a certain way of life at work and become comfortable with it. Even if it’s not ideal, it’s what they know. The unknown of change is not easy for everyone and now is the time to lead with emotional intelligence and grace.

There’s a school of thought that you should only take the feedback of your star performers into account during times of transition. This never sat well with me. If you have team members whose feedback you don’t value because their performance is poor, that needs to be addressed by correcting the performance issue or letting them go, but don’t ignore it and then discount their voice. It’ll only make things worse. 

Once you have your people on board individually, start focusing on the team as a unit. What’s the dynamic? Are there cliques or exclusionary behavior? Do you have a few instigators and then everyone else follows suit? Is there a lack of trust or respect or understanding? Get to the bottom of the issue and then address it as a team. This is easy to say, but it can be difficult in practice. Team dynamics are complex. Sometimes, it’s not easy to identify the nuances from the inside. Or you’re too close to it. Or you’re absolutely exhausted, and sick and tired of the drama, and just want it to go away. Whatever the reason, it can be helpful to enlist the help of a neutral third party, such as an executive coach, to lead or support the process.

Just as it was important for you to build and maintain trust with your team members individually, it’s vital to extend that trust among team, as well. And you’re included here. Now, I’m not talking about trust falls and wilderness adventures, unless that’s your thing, but there are steps you can take to help facilitate team development. Have the hard conversation. A transparent, “come to Jesus”-type initiative resulting in clear communication channels, a shared understanding, and team-aligned goals with a solid workplan can do wonders for team dynamics. When team members get to know one another and appreciate others’ unique styles and gifts, they are much more likely to behave collaboratively, supportively, and respectfully.  

Okay, so far, you’ve looked in the mirror and corrected any of your own drama-supporting behaviors, you’ve connected with and supported your team members individually, and you’ve taken steps to develop your team into a respectful, cohesive group all rowing in the same direction. This is a great start. Now, all of your efforts need to be maintained. Creating a drama-free environment isn’t a one-and-done activity. It’s a culture that needs constant nurturing. 

First and foremost, deal with misunderstandings and conflicts as soon as they arise. You can do this by having clear lines of communication, so everyone knows how to proceed when issues pop up. Do your best to be approachable and take all concerns seriously. This latter part is not easy and there’s an art to it. We all have our own styles and biases, and they often come into play in these situations. I once had a team member come to me absolutely outraged that her coworker was clicking a pen during a group meeting. She believed that the coworker was clicking the pen just to bother her. Personally, I thought this complaint was absurd, especially knowing both parties. I couldn’t believe that this person was so upset over something I deemed so silly. While I may have thought it was ridiculous, I had to remember that the person sitting across from me thought it was deadly serious. That same week, a different team member shared their concerns about microaggressions they were experiencing within their department. I took this complaint very seriously on a personal level. While I felt very differently about these two complaints, I wanted both team members to feel seen, heard, and valued, so I had to take their concerns seriously, but my response to them differed. I did some coaching with the person who was concerned about the pen to help her identify some solutions to successfully work with the pen clicker. As for the microaggressions, after looking deeper into the situation, I decided to provide some additional training for the department in question. While my feelings about each situation and my responses to them differed, both women left my office feeling satisfied with the result and any future drama was quelled. This is where knowing your team as people can really come in handy. Since I knew all of the parties involved in each scenario, I was able to grasp the issues faster and create specific solutions to fairly meet the needs of those involved.

A popular author suggests that in situations like with the pen clicker or the microaggressions, one should march the person expressing their concern right over to the wrong-doer’s office and have a throw down, so to speak, until the issue is resolved. While I appreciate the effort to have a prompt discussion to clear the air, I have issues with this method. First, it’s not going to stop the drama. It’s going to send it deep underground and it’ll become a bigger issue. Second, once the team learns of this response, nobody is going to voice their concerns, big or small, and toxicity will spread like wildfire. So, rather than sponsoring a cage match between your team members, turn on your emotional intelligence skills and handle things with empathy and grace. Your team will fare much better in the end, I promise.

Another step you can take to mitigate drama is to provide development opportunities and other resources to your team. These can be in the form of skill enhancement to increase knowledge and confidence, conflict resolution workshops, or inclusivity training. An employee assistance program can also offer support when needed. 

Promoting the care and wellbeing of your team can also be helpful. If your team members feel overloaded or stressed out, they may not always be at their best. By care, I not only mean supporting their physical and mental health, but also providing flexibility, realistic goals, and opportunities for advancement, and celebrating achievements. 

Sometimes, despite all of your efforts and energy and good intentions, you’re going to have a team member that just isn’t a good fit. No amount of intervention or professional development is going to stop their drama-filled ways. In these instances, it’s best to cut ties before they do too much damage to the team. It’s not easy, but the rest of the team will be appreciative, and productivity will increase without the diversion of attention to the drama. Keep in mind that employment laws can vary geographically, so if you want to make a staffing change, it’s best to consult your employment lawyer first.

I have barely touched the tip of the workplace drama iceberg, but hopefully, today’s episode has given you an idea or two of how you can address or avoid it. As with anything that’s going to save you time and headache, you have to put some effort in up front to reap the rewards later on. But by consistently working at it, you can create a supportive, respectful, and productive work environment that minimizes drama and maximizes team performance.